When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.
When sorrows come
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Friday, 23 May 2014
Thursday, 22 May 2014
LADY PASTOR
A church had to hire a new pastor. Over the protests of one vocal male member,
a woman was hired as the new senior pastor.
After the new pastor had been there a few weeks, a member of the congregation
offered to take the new pastor fishing. The vocal objector reluctantly agreed to
allow them to use his boat and to go along.
The trio got into the boat and motored out on the lake. When they got ready to
fish, they realized that all their tackle had been left on the dock. One of the
men commented that he guessed they would just have to go back and get it.
The lady pastor said, “That won’t be necessary,” as she got out of the boat
and started walking across the water toward the dock.
The old grouch said, “See I told you we never should have hired that woman!
She can’t even swim!!”
LADY PASTOR
Lobster Fishing
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobsters jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the lobsters back into the water.The warden says, “Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water.”The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “What lobsters?”
Lobster Fishing
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his...
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags
over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” answered Juan.
The guard says, “We’ll just see about that.
Get off the bike.”
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out
and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has
the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in
the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags,
hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks,
“What have you got?”
“Sand,” says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan
crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years.
Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a
Cantina in Mexico.
“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s
driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just
between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his...
Man who sleep on railroad track wake up with...
Man who sleep on railroad track wake up with split personality.
Man who sleep on railroad track wake up with...
Want to be a Stud
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St.
Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computers down. You’ll
have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans.
What’ll it be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the
Rocky mountains. “So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this
week ‘count’, St. Peter? “No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we
can keep track of what you’re doing. The week’s a freebie.
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall
the two priests.
“Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the
Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more
difficult.”
“Why?” asked the Lord.
St. Peter answered, “He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota!”
Want to be a Stud
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