Want to be a Stud

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St.
Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computers down. You’ll
have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans.
What’ll it be?”

The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the
Rocky mountains. “So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this
week ‘count’, St. Peter? “No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we
can keep track of what you’re doing. The week’s a freebie.

“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall
the two priests.

“Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.

“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the
Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more
difficult.”

“Why?” asked the Lord.

St. Peter answered, “He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota!”

Want to be a Stud

Wedding ring and a T

A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping the circulation.

Wedding ring and a T

Marooned

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were stranded on an island for several days. One day a bottle washed ashore and when they picked it up, a genie rushed out.

Oh masters, he said. For releasing me from this bottle you will each have one wish.

The American said: I wish to be surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls in Waikiki beach. Whoosh, the American was gone to Hawaii.

The Australian said: I wish to be in a casino in the Australian Gold Coast. Whoosh, and off he went.

The Irishman could not decide what he wanted. After a long time, he said: Gee, it’s very lonely here on this island. I wish my friends were back here!

Marooned

How does a Jewish American

How does a Jewish American Princess do it doggie-style?

She makes him beg for an hour.

How does a Jewish American

New Car

John: “My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth.” Dave: “Really? What did he get?” John: “Fifteen years.”

New Car

Death by Stabbing

A woman in her 90′s is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can’t live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn’t want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.

He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.

Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman’s left thigh.

Death by Stabbing

The ANIMAL joke*

What would u do if u were stuck on a deserted place or island and there was a bear,camel, and jaguar and u have 1 gun and 1 bullet which one would u shot?I wouldn`t shot any because i would drink the bear (beer), smoke the camel (cigarettes), and drive the jaguar (car) !!! lol

The ANIMAL joke*