enstructive | Instructive, Educational, Informational and Enlightenment Sources

Concentrate

Why did the blond stare at the bottle of orange juice for 2 hours?

It said on the label “concentrate”.

Concentrate

Grim reaper

What did the Grim Reaper say to St. Peter before visiting Frank.

Hey, I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse…

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Grim reaper

Don't shit me!

An eagle is circling at about 5,000 feet when he spies a field mouse down below him.

He dives down and eats the mouse.

After a little while, the mouse works his way out of the eagle’s butt.

Proceeding to look around the mouse says, “Tail gunner to pilot…Tail gunner to pilot…”

The eagle says, “What do you want?”

The mouse asks, “How high up are we?”

The eagle thinks for a moment and then says, “Ohh, about 5,000 feet.”

The mouse then replies, “You wouldn’t be shittin’ me now would ya??”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Don't shit me!

It was Palm Sunday, and the family’s 6-year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, “People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by.”

“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go to church, and Jesus shows up!”

Missing Jesus

Smoking sisters

Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said,
‘It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn’t find them.’

The second nun said, ‘I’ve found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later.’

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

‘You get them at a chemist, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them.’

The next day the good sister went to the chemist and walked up to the counter.

‘Good morning, sister,’ the chemist said, ‘what can I do for you today?’

‘I’d like some condoms please,’ said the nun.

The chemist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,
‘How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box.’

‘I’ll take six boxes. That should last about a week,’ said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice.

‘Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size.’

The sister thought for a minute and finally said:
‘I’m not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?’

Smoking sisters