A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.
Priest: Sister, I don’t think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I’ll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room.
Ten minutes later…
Nun: Father, I’m terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I’ll get you a blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later…
Nun: Father, I’m still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I’ll get you another blanket.
(He does)
Ten minutes later…
Nun: Father, I’m still terribly cold. I don’t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You’re probably right…get up and get your own damn blanket.
A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them that in the restroom, there is a magic mirror.
If you tell the truth in front of it, you get the one thing you desire the most. But if you lie in front of it, you disappear and you can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the restroom and stands in front of the mirror.
“I think that I am the most beautiful person in this bar.” And the Redhead walks out with a brand new red car.
Then the Brunette goes into the restroom and says to the mirror,” I think Im the smartest person in this bar.” And she gets a million dollars.
Then the Blonde goes into the restroom and says to the mirror,” I think…” POOF! She disappears.
This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.21. Stare continually at the professor’s crotch. Occassionally lick your lips. 22. Address the professor as “your excellency”. 23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he’s been drinking. 24. Shout “WOW!” after every sentence of the lecture. 25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face. 26. Ask whether you have to come to class. 27. Present the professor with a large fruit basket. 28. Bring a “seeing eye rooster” to class. 29. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, “Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?” Become aggitated when the professor can’t understand you. 30. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on
“Start”?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Who had the horrible idea of the word lisp having a ‘s’ in it?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dish
washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on
planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same
substance?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t
drink and drive?
Why is it in a film any lock can be picked by a credit card or a
paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning
building with a child trapped inside.
Why is it in a film most laptop computers are powerful enough to
override the communication systems of any invading alien
civilization.
Why is it in a film television news bulletins always contain a
story that affects you personally at that precise moment you
turn the television on.
Why is it in a film the door bell always rings at the end of a
conversation, never in the middle.
Why is it in a film a detective can only solve a case once he
has been suspended from duty.
Why is it in a film if you decide to start dancing in the
street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000leagues under the sea?He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that therewere so many teams.
