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Old Golfer

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

Old Golfer

Poor Bus Driver

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

Poor Bus Driver

17 Parrots

An american, a russian, and a dane was discussing the differences between their countries. Pretty soon the general talking turned into general bragging about how terrific their respective countries where.
The Russian said, “Our navy is so big, that if we all sailed out at once, it would cover every ocean in the world.”

The American, not wanting to let the Russian get the better of him, continued, “Well, our Air Force is so big that if all of our planes took off at once we could cover the sky all over the world.”

The Dane thought for a while then said: “I once new a guy in Odense whose dick was so long that 17 parrots could sit on it at once.”

They stood for a while not saying anything, until the Russian decided he might modify his bold statement a bit, “Well maybe the ships wouldn’t cover ALL of the ocean.”

The American, feeling the need for honesty as well said, “Well, maybe the planes wouldn’t cover all of the sky either I guess.”

The Dane stood there for a while thinking, and finally said, “Well, in all honesty the guy I knew might have lived a bit outside Odense actually.”

17 Parrots

Highway Patrolman

A man and his wife were traveling in Texas. A highway patrolman pulled the man over for speeding. The cop came up to the car and asked to see the man’s license. The wife who was hard of hearing said, ‘what’d he say?’ He said he wanted to see my license. The cop said you’re from Ohio. The wife said what’d he say. The husband said I see you’re from Ohio. The cop said the worst pussy he ever got was from a girl from Ohio. The wife said what’d he say. The husband said the cop thinks he knows you.

Highway Patrolman

Indian's Hair Cut

One day a Florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to
pay the Barber and the barber replies: ‘I am Sorry, I cannot
accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service’. The
Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the
Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a
dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he
also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: ‘I am Sorry,
I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service’.
The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the
Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a
dozen Donuts waiting at his door. An Indian goes for a haircut
and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies; ‘I’m
Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community
Service’. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, Guess what he finds there – A dozen Indians waiting for a
free haircut……