Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Woman Like a Condom?
Friday, 27 December 2013
Woman Like a Condom?
Woman Like a Condom?
I'm Not Saying S
I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S EASY, BUT…She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker.She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.She’s turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.She’s been boarded more times than Amtrak.She’s been mounted more often than Trigger.She’s been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins.She’s entertained more troops than Bob Hope.She’s been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.She’s been turned more ways than Rubik’s Cube.She’s spent more time under men than barstools.She’s seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.She’s had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.She’s been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.She’s had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.Her body has been declared a national recreation area.Her diaphragms come with a service contract.She has an IUD with a beeper.She uses industrial strength douche.Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.Her pantyhose has a pet door.She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver mistook her for the Channel Tunnel.
I'm Not Saying S
Ironic
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.
2. A psychology student rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an ax leaving her mentally retarded.
3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. By the time he had come down, eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.
4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. A shame as he had merely been listening to his Walkman.
5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death. And the last and best . . . . .
6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it. You’ve guessed it, he opened it and said a fond farewell to his face.
Ironic
Shark fishing
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
“That’s what I like to see”, said the priest, “A man helping his fellow man.”
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “Well, he sure doesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”
Shark fishing
Top thirty signs to bring to an Nsync concert
:1. Is this the NKOTB reunion concert?2. Does anyone know what state Lance is from?3. Joey’s Hoe #564. All the fellas in the house, lemme hear ya say Boom Shaka Laka Boom!5. This Song Sucks! (and hold it up at the beginning of every song, or even better, hold it up when they’re talking)6. This girl has B.O. (with an arrow pointing to the person next to you)7. I hate baby blue!8. I actually like Joey actually9. I’ll Lay Down Beside You AJ!10. Steve Fatone is HOT! (just a quick way to get yourself on the big screen)11. What up, J-Dawg? Just wanted to make you feel welcome, yo.12. Justin & Britney 4-Ever13. Why don’t you guys ever sing “The Hardest Thing?”14. Hey JC! Where’s Bobbi?15. I made this poster just in case you guys forgot what you looked like (and tape a bunch of teeny posters on it)16. Scream louder for Chris! Hearing loss comes w/old age!17. This one’s a little hard to explain… at the top, write Justin’s To-DoList. Underneath that, write Opening Acts and cross it out. Then write, Britney with a check next to her name, then Tatyana with a check next to hers and then whatever girl is opening at this particular concert, leave the box unchecked.18. JC’s got it goin on FUNKY STYLE!19. Who’s this Lance guy everyone’s talking about?20. JC, will you conduct my school’s band?21. JC, Justin, and Chris all have girlfriends!22. Britney Spears is my idol!23. God Musta Spent a Little More Time on ME.24. Hey! I’m legal!25. Look at me, I’m not wearing baby blue!26. JC is a totally narly dude! (Think JC’s Character ‘Wipeout’ on “Emerald Cove” *MMC*)27. Justin, I’ll be your Apple Jacks and you can eat me all day long!28. Why don’t you ever return my phone calls? I want my child support!29. What possessed you guys to ever write Giddy Up?30. Dreds & a goatee! Gee Chris, that’s CRAZY!
Top thirty signs to bring to an Nsync concert
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